


Whether I laugh or cry…

by Sanshal



Series: Omega 'Verse [6]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jensen, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Omega Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 20:38:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2164395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanshal/pseuds/Sanshal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary - Jared had survived a severe medical condition as a pre-teenand was forced to take a certain medication well into his teens for the treatment. Now he is healthy... but the fact that the medication had a little known after-effect of turning alphas into omegas goes undetected in Jared's case till he applies for and gets selected for a highly competitive student-exchange programme. <br/>Now he is forced to give up his family and move in with 'his' alpha- a stranger chosen by the government whom he has never met before; but is expected to bear offspring for by the end of the year.</p><p>This part : The lull before the storm</p><p>A/N: Title from the Leona Lewis song ‘When it hurts’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whether I laugh or cry…

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing:J2   
> Rating: NC-17   
> Warning: Dub-con, Mentions of mpreg, A/B/O society (should I even warn for that?), Under-age (Jared is 17), Alpha!Jensen, (Virgin)Omega!Jared, Language.   
> Disclaimer: Never met them; don’t know them... Just playing around- no profit.

Title: **_ Whether I laugh or cry…  _ **  
_(Part 6 of the Omega 'Verse)_  
Earlier parts: **[ Here ](http://sanshal.livejournal.com/13053.html)**

****

_“Cause this is love and life,_

_and nothing we can both control;_

_and if it don't feel right,_

_you’re not losing me by letting me know…”_

**_-_** _‘I Got You’ by Leona Lewis._

 

\---0---

Jared forced a smile to his lips when Jensen returned home from work, an equally fake smile on the alpha’s lips.

He was aware of the older man’s frustration; hell, he _shared_ it... after all, it wasn’t like he didn’t understand. Ever since convincing his family that he would be alright with Jensen all those weeks ago, he had been fighting his despondency. And as affable as Jensen was; everyone had limits to what they could endure and the alpha was nearing his. _Not that Jared blamed him._

He himself had been trying to fight his way out of the grey clouds that seemed to follow him lately; robbing the joy out of everything. For while he had thought himself resigned to his fate; some small part of him had continued to cling tenuously to the hope that his Dad and brother would ‘rescue’ him... and the knowledge that _that_ wasn’t going to happen had broken something inside him. Although, he had to admit that he was getting better.  
The morning after he had cried himself to sleep in Jensen’s arms had been particularly bad; and his depression had apparently scared the alpha as well, because an hour after Jensen left for work; he’d called to tell him that Jared’s mom would be coming over and that he had his permission to allow her in. And the older man had continued to check in after every few minutes till the beta arrived nearly an hour later.

Later that night, as they had dropped his mother home, Jensen had offered to allow Jared to stay over- if he wanted; promising he would pick him up the following day after work. The omega had been touched by the offer, but politely turned him down- unable to handle the stress of pretending he was happy for his family when his heart felt like it was being gauged out.

Lately it was as though the only time he could draw a breath without feeling hollowed out was when he was with the alpha- the man’s steady heartbeat grounding him as he drifted to sleep with his face pressed against Jensen’s chest every night.

“This can’t continue, Jen.” He murmured, fingers idly circling the buttons on the alpha’s night-shirt.

“Hmmm?” Jensen questioned; even as Jared felt the muscles stiffen under him.

“My... my depression,” He answered; a part of him terrified that he was just making everything worse by giving voice to what was ailing him.

“You had the rug pulled from under you, Kiddo. And then, what little hope remained was snuffed out... it’s- it’s not really wrong that you’ve been depressed. Give it time.”

“Nearly a month since then, Jen; and I’m not getting better.”

Gentle fingers scratched at his scalp; making the omega purr in pleasure; but he refused to allow himself to be distracted- forcing himself to move up and away till he was sitting up next to the horizontal form of his alpha, “I’m serious.”

“I know,” Jensen agreed; rising to sit up against the headboard with a sigh. “Would you like to consult a shrink?”

“At the TOC ?”

Jensen shrugged.

“No!” Jared got himself under control after the initial outburst. “I-” he licked his lips hesitantly; “I could try talking to you?”

A hint of a smile bloomed on the alpha’s face, “Always.”

Jared nodded, but stayed quiet.

“What do you want to talk about?” Jensen prodded after a few minutes when Jared made no move to break the silence.

He shrugged, “Hadn’t really thought that far.” He admitted.

Jensen nodded thoughtfully, considering things before asking, “Let’s try something... I’m going to ask you questions and I want you to respond with the first thing that comes to you... there’s no right or wrong in this, okay? Just... speak your mind. Clear?”

“Crystal.” Jared answered, turning so he was facing the alpha.

“Your favourite book?”

“Coelho’s Veronica decides to die.” At Jensen’s raised brow he explained, “It’s about this Omega who decides to commit suicide and then learns to appreciate life.”

Jensen’s expression tipped him off about how unsettled the alpha was by his choice before his words confirmed it, “Why?”

Jared shrugged, “It’s just... it wasn’t because she was an omega or something, you know? And that story...” he paused trying to choose his words with care, “It could’ve been anybody... and Coelho didn’t focus on her omega issues. It was... it was about learning to... to _live._ ”

And though it was obvious that Jensen wasn’t convinced, the alpha simply nodded. “I- I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry. You’re entitled to read whatever you want...but thank you for explaining. Now, moving to my next question, what do you miss most about being an alpha?”

“Freedom,” Jared answered instantly.

“And there’s no silver lining at all?” Jensen asked; regret shining in his wide eyes.

“You”

He watched the alpha swallow and the barest turning at the corner of his lips was the only sign before moving to his next question, “What does the word ‘omega’ mean to you?”

“It’s a Greek alphabet... the unit for measuring electrical resistance.” He shot back before he could think his words through; but judging by the proud smile on Jensen’s face, the man obviously didn’t mind that he was a bit of a geek.

“Okay; so _being_ an omega is...?”

“The same as being a slave”

“Jay-” The alpha began before scrunching his eyes shut, “S’rry; didn’t mean to interrupt...”

Jared shrugged; not having anything left to add.

“Fine, okay...” Jensen continued; swallowing, “And what’s the absolute worst part of this?”

“You”

The alpha reared back as though slapped, but Jared could see that he was not going to protest- that this time when Jared _wanted_ him to counter-question, Jensen was just going to _accept it._ And he hurried to explain, “It’s just that you’ve been so... so _nice.”_

Jensen blinked, “I’m sorry; I don’t- I don’t understand. You hate me because I’m ‘ _nice’_?”

“I _can’t_ hate you because you’re nice.” Jared corrected, “And sometimes it feels like it could be so much easier... _better_ ; if I could simply put the blame on you, you know?”

“You can,” Jensen replied- voice quiet for all the determination in his tone, “Put the blame on me, I mean... It’s where it actually belongs.” He gave a self-depreciating shrug, “If I hadn’t pretty much ended up describing _you_ when I filled that damn form; you wouldn’t have been here.”

“Stop being such a frickkin’ martyr!” Jared growled, anger spiking abruptly- “If you hadn’t; I’d have ended with some other alpha- maybe even someone who wanted ‘em young but ended up with _me_... and then where would I be, huh?”

Jensen ducked his head, suitably chastised; “Alright... touché. Next question?”

The omega nodded, gaze focussed on the fistful of fabric he was idly twisting, “I’m ready.”

“You think you’ll ever be able to... to- I dunno, _accept this...-me,_ maybe?”

“No idea.” Jared lied- he could picture all too clearly a day; maybe not-in-the-distant future; when he simply gave in. When he simply... _surrendered._  
He looked up after a moment when Jensen didn’t follow his words with anything, “What?”

A corner of the alpha’s lip tilted up, “Nothing; guess I’m all out of questions... why don’t you say something _-_ anything... Anything you want to tell me?”

Jared shrugged.

“No,” Jensen refuted, “No, this time _you_ need to stop playing the martyr. Tell me why has it been worse for you lately?”

“’Coz I’m alone.” Jared replied after a moment, “There’s only so much to do around the house.”

“I could try being more of a slob.” Jensen teased, trying to lighten the mood, “If you want more housework”.

Jared stuck his tongue out in a reflexive childish gesture, making them both collapse with laughter and the alpha pulled Jared into his arms till they were pressed chest to back. For a moment neither said anything and Jared was content to let Jensen nuzzle the hollow behind his ear. Then, “Would it be better if I asked your mom to drop in every once in a while?”

He shook his head morosely, “Don’t wanna worry ‘em.”

Jensen smiled sadly at him as he pulled the omega closer, “I’ll try to think of something.”

“Maybe I could accompany you?” Jared suggested hesitantly.

“To the restaurant?”

“Uh-huh.” Jared murmured, eyes slipping close.

“I’ll have to check with my boss.”

And yet when the alpha returned home the next day, he made no mention of their earlier conversation. When an entire week passed, Jared was fairly certain that Jensen had forgotten about his request. Things continued with little change and Jared continued to feel like he was losing a bit of himself every time he found himself appreciating Jensen (which was often) and on the brink of insanity every time he spoke to his mother (which- _thankfully_ ; was not often enough).

Which was why he was taken by complete surprise when the alpha returned from work with a blinding smile and pulled Jared into a bear hug,  “It came in today- TOC’s approval... You can resume your classes, Jay! You can go back to school!”

 “Oh.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow, “’ _Oh’_... is that the best you can do?”

“I-” He forced a smile “I- it’s just such a huge surprise that-”

“Jared,” The alpha interrupted, “Don’t BS me.”

He blushed.

“What’s the real reason, eh? I thought this would make you happy?”

“It does,” He assured, confessing “It’s just… just I’ve been kind of under the weather since morning.”

“ _Under the weather?_ Before or after I left?”

He very carefully did not meet the older man’s gaze, “Before?”

Jensen frowned, “Should’ve told me, Kiddo… C’mere.”

Mutely obeying, Jared let him press a palm against his forehead to check for temperature, “You’re a little warm,” He mused.

“The flu, maybe?” Jared ventured.

Jensen shrugged; a shadowed look in his eyes, “We’ll see. Why don’t you take it easy, tonight? I’ll handle dinner.”

He gave a grateful nod and resumed his spot on the couch- not voicing his thought that Jensen usually tended to dinner- at least parts of it- anyway.  
He moved his food around the plate more than he ate it, but shovelled it determinately when Jensen reminded him that he needed to keep his strength up.

“Why don’t you take the other room tonight?” Jensen suggested as he cleared the table after their meal.

Jared raised an eyebrow, “Worried I might infect you?”

“What?” The alpha glanced up briefly, before his gaze skittered away, “No; no… I just thought you might feel safer that way.”

“ _Safer?”_ He repeated incredulously, “Jen, what’s wrong with me?”

Jensen stared back wordlessly for a moment, obviously debating sharing his suspicions; then, “I think you’re in heat.”

For a minute the words didn’t make sense… _and then they did._

“No!” He growled, stalking towards the older man and jamming a finger against his sternum as he spoke, “You don’t get to push me away the moment _I_ need you. No; You. _Can’t. Do. That.”_

“Jay,” The older man grabbed his finger; folding his own hand around till he cradled the omega’s hand in his own, “You’re _always_ welcome in my bed, Kiddo… I just wanted you to have that option if you needed it.”

He nodded; still feeling weirdly out-of-sorts and hyperaware when they headed to bed. He felt Jensen stiffen when he curled against him like he had the past few days, but the alpha didn’t say anything.

_He didn’t expect him to._

He heard Jensen drop off into slumber and felt his breathing change; and he nearly bit his lip through as he stifled the urge to shift restlessly. His skin felt over warm and stretched tight and yet his toes were freezing. Every heartbeat seemed to echo in his head and he swallowed a groan- not wanting to wake the alpha.

_The books had it wrong: you didn’t feel horny; heats made you feel_ sick _._

_And he sure as hell was not out-of-it._

He was perfectly rational.  
Which was why he kept his voice low when he called out, “Jensen?”

“Hmmm?”

“You awake?”

He heard a muffled yawn; then a warm hand curled around his waist, pulling him into the curve of the alpha’s body.

“I am now.” Jensen’s voice was scratchy- heavy with sleep.

“I think I’d like to try.”

In the ensuing silence he could almost hear Jensen’s gears shifting as the alpha tried to make sense of his _– admittedly, rather obtuse_ ; words. When Jensen spoke up, his voice was now wide-awake, “Try what, Kiddo?”

“You know what.” He muttered petulantly; hating that Jensen was going to make him _say-it._

“I do,” The alpha admitted, “But I still need to hear you say it.”

“Sex” He hated that his voice came out so soft and squeaky- so _childish._

“It’s your first heat. You don’t have to do this now… we have time.”

“I know,” He whispered back, “But I’m sure.”

“You’ll be starting school in two days time, why now?”

Jared nearly groaned- _trust Jensen to_ question _this._

“Sometime or other I’m going to have to go there all pregnant and swollen.” He shrugged. The words felt alien on his lips- left him reeling as he tried to picture himself with a pudgy middle, “What difference does it make?”

“It’s going to be a new place for you- new people. You want to deal with them while fighting morning sickness?”

“Hey, maybe they’ll feel sorry for me!” He tried to joke.

“Seriously, Kiddo?”

“We don’t even know I’m going to end up pregnant.” He muttered at last.

“Yeah,” Jensen conceded, “You’re sure about this? This isn’t just your heat talking?”

“You do realize that it’s a myth that omegas are brainless during their heats, right? I’m perfectly sane.”

“And yet you’re trembling.” The alpha observed mildly.

“Nerves.” He admitted, “Don’t- don’t feel guilty; but last time- _my first time?-_ not exactly the best experience of my life.

He felt Jensen nod as the alpha’s arms tightened around him before relaxing, “I’ll make it good, this time.”

“I know.” He assured.

“We’ll do it right this time.” Jensen continued, “I’ll take you on a date tomorrow, ‘kay? Seduce you after.”

_Betas were the ones who went on ‘dates’; the ones who got ‘courted’ and ‘wooed’… after all there was no need to wine and dine someone who was ‘assigned’ to you._

 “You do realize that I’m not _fit_ for the kind of places you have in mind, right?” He grouched, unable to help taking out his ire on the alpha, “Not in the way you mean it… and kneeling at someone’s feet all evening and being hand-fed from their plate?- _Not my idea of a good time._ ”

Jensen hummed into his hair, “Touché… maybe, we can host a date night ‘ _in’_? Dress nice; and I’ll pick up some food on my way back. Woo you with flowers, maybe? A movie, a little dancing… how does it sound?”

“Perfect,” Jared sighed, imagining their _date_ and smiled, “… it sounds perfect.”

 

 ≈‡∞ж∞‡≈ 

Their _date_ was indeed ‘perfect’; Jensen doing everything he’d promised and despite having spent a little over a month together, the two of them still had all the awkwardness of those on a first date. And watching Jensen; as the chef fumbled: a little off-balance and a little unsure- _still trying to impress Jared;_ he couldn’t help but fall a little in love.

He burst out laughing when Jensen put in a jazzy romantic number once the movie was over and began grooving as he walked over to Jared, holding out a hand. After a brief hesitation; he accepted, finding himself held close as they moved together- stepping on each other’s toes and bumping heads twice before they finally settled into a rhythm.

“I’m not the kind of guy who puts out on a first date, you know?” Jared whispered as the music slowed to a close and Jensen began moving them towards the bedroom.

Jensen grinned, “Yeah?”

He leaned in close, whispering in what he hoped was a seductive tone, “But I might make an exception just this once.”

“I- _I’m honoured_ ,” The alpha breathed against the shell of his ear, nipping at the lobe lightly.

Jared shivered.

“Kiddo…” Jensen paused, “You’re sure about this? ‘Coz I can still back off…”

He bit his lip considering; he _would_ have to go through with this sometime or another, and right this instant, he felt… _good._ He nodded.

“ _Thank you.”_ Jensen smiled softly before kissing him lightly, “Just so you know; you can still _ask_ me to stop; ‘kay? Anytime you think you’ve had enough, just say the word.”

Another nod.

“Cat got your tongue?” The alpha laughed softly, “Never mind, I’m going to make you _scream.”_ He promised.

Jared stiffened briefly at that before understanding hit, making his cheeks turn crimson.

“So pretty,” Jensen whispered, making his blush deepen.

He had to consciously relax his muscles when the alpha began undressing him, but within a few brief minutes when Jensen’s fingers trailed up and down on his skin, he found himself leaning into the caresses. After a moment when Jensen’s brushed soft kisses down those same paths, he could not help but purr with pleasure; the so far suppressed-but-not-forgotten discomfort of his heat slipping from his mind. He blinked his eyes open- _not sure when he’d closed them in the first place;_ when he felt gentle hands undoing the buckle of his jeans; lifting his suddenly heavy head to peer down his body.

Jensen’s gaze was focused on him and though the alpha hadn’t asked, he knew without a doubt that the man would stop if he just said the word.

He lifted his hips.

 ≈‡∞ж∞‡≈

 

It felt like hours had passed by the time he got his breath back; the alpha’s fingers running through his hair.

“Hey,” he greeted, voice rough- _Jensen had kept his promise, making him scream till words left him._

“Hey back,” The man smiled, bending forward to brush his lips against the younger man’s.

And it was only then that he realized that the man was still wearing his denims. He glanced down briefly to confirm the impressive bulge straining the front of the alpha’s pants and swallowed, “You didn’t…?”

“It’s nothing a cold shower won’t solve. Don’t worry about me.”

And Jared could only blink; Jensen had brought him more pleasure than Jared could have ever dreamt of and he’d taken none for himself.

“No,” He found himself saying, as he turned on his side to face the man, “No; you can’t do that!”

“Hey,” Jensen soothed, alarm clear in his eye, “Sshhh… tell me what’s wrong.”

“You were supposed to-!” Jared gestured wildly, unable to find the appropriate words to finish his sentence.

“Jared…” He sighed.

“No!”

“Wanted to make it good for you,” Jensen murmured, a soothing hand sliding down his flank, “And if you want it that bad, I could… maybe?”

He nodded eagerly despite the nerves beginning to make his stomach tighten.

“Okay,” The alpha promised, leaning forward to kiss him briefly again, “Okay.”

“How…” He bit his lip, “How do you want me?”

“It would be easier if you were on your stomach,” Jensen mused, not missing the quickly masked frown marring his omega’s features, “But I want to make this time as different from your first time as possible, so.”

He nodded, obediently laying back and spreading his legs to make space for the alpha to crawl in between them. To his surprise, Jensen pushed them closed again before covering him- the alpha’s weight carefully held up on defined biceps. He couldn’t help but arch into the kiss; his body waking up again under the alpha’s ministrations.

By the time the man slid into him, he was relaxed enough to feel no pain at all- eagerly welcoming the invasion as it filled some empty place inside him that he’d not realized till then that needed filling.

“Jared,” The alpha gasped suddenly.

“Hmmm?” he hummed, enjoying the languid strokes that set off sparks of pleasure every time Jensen moved.

“Jared!”

He blinked his eyes open, taken aback by the urgent tone, unsure what was wrong and instinctively tightening his legs which were crossed behind the alpha’s back.

Sweat was dripping off Jensen’s hair, and his eyes were darker than he’d ever seen them, “Wha-?”

“Le’mme go, unlock your legs,” Jensen ordered, obviously fighting for control. “Thought I could do this…”

“Jen, what?” He asked, his own eyes wide with panic by now; but refusing to release his hold on the older man.

“I- I don’t know how much longer I can fight this… I’m- I’m going to knot you.” Jensen hissed back just before his control apparently snapped, because the words were no sooner out of his lips than his hips snapped forward.

Jared keened against the knife sharp pleasure that sliced through him; fighting to stay coherent when every part of him felt like a puddle and he realized that if he concentrated, he could indeed feel the swell of the alpha’s knot at his rim. And Jensen was obviously still fighting his own body’s demands because he had not breached him yet.

“Do it,” He ordered, drawing his legs closer on the in stroke- _and Jensen with them because of how they were wrapped around him;_ and felt the sudden sharp burn as the knot slid in.

A broken whimper left the alpha’s lips and his eyes scrunched shut; but Jared could not concentrate on that- too focused on chasing after his own pleasure and feeling it slam into him a second later.

He must’ve blacked out from the force of it because when he opened his eyes again, he was lying on top of Jensen who was stretched out on his back.

He shifted- _and, yep, they were tied good._

“I’m sorry.”

He glanced up to see the guilt written clear across Jensen’s face, “I tried to stop, but…”

“Sshhh…” He hushed the earnest apology, promising “I wanted you to.”

“Yeah?” Jensen’s voice was hoarse.

“Mmm” He mumbled, suddenly feeling incredibly worn out and unable to keep his eyes open. He didn’t even have the energy to roll to the side- _not that that wouldn’t have taken some manoeuvring given how they were tied together._

The alpha made for an incredibly comfortable bed- yep he was going to sleep right here. _On Jensen._

***___***


End file.
